Knowing when the time is right

I’ve been working on updating the content and design of my Website for the past two years.

A little over a week ago, while making a few of the final updates on my list, I decided it was time.

I’d planned on waiting another week or two to finish the final touches, but it was to the point where I needed to make it live before I could finish what I needed to.

I thought, “I just need to do it.”

I had an appointment later that morning, so I decided to use the few hours I had to make it happen.

I became laser-focused.

A few hours (and apologies for telling my husband, “Sorry, I can’t talk right now – I have to get this done!”) later, I sent out the first announcement that my new site was LIVE.

It felt like crossing the finish line in a race I’d been running for two years.

I admit that a small part of me used not having my website as a reason not to put myself out there.

The truth is, it was the opposite. I wanted it done a long time ago. I attempted to “just get it out there” many times, and it didn’t feel right each time. I had to force myself to slow down.

I continued to remind myself of the importance of my mission and that building the foundation for it took time.

This meant living through the frustration of making minor updates to one section of a web page that took days because I only had 15 or 20 minutes a day to work on it.

As I reflected on that last push, it seemed so fast and easy.

The old saying, “Sometimes you just need to rip the band-aid off,” came to mind.

I thought it was ironic that the saying came to mind about launching a website about healing from Trauma. While there are many times and places where that philosophy can motivate us to get out of our comfort zone, forcing ourselves to face the ghosts of the past is NOT one of them.

Trauma affects EVERY aspect of our being. It shows up as feeling like we can’t say no or ask for what we want, thinking we’re responsible for the well-being of others, not recognizing the signs of a toxic relationship or knowing how to get out of them once we’re in them, feeling like we’re broken/not good enough, turning to drugs/alcohol/food/work as a way to get through the day, having financial problems, or not being able to achieve goals/feeling afraid to move ahead in life, and more. And we have no idea that our past trauma is the root of them all.

These mindsets, behaviors, and coping strategies, or “band-aids,” are how we protect ourselves from having to experience our trauma again. And attempting to “rip” any of them off is like trying to rip them ALL off, all at once. It doesn’t kick-start the healing process. It reopens wounds in a way that can send us right back to the shadows.

Healing from trauma takes time. It takes learning to know and honor ourselves so we know how and when to say no, let others own their own stuff, feel like we’re worthy, choose healthy coping strategies, make responsible financial decisions, regularly set and achieve goals, and know when it’s time to tackle the hard stuff, and when it’s not.